 |
|
|
|
|
|
Monday, July 19, 2004
My city's still breathing (but barely it's true)
through buildings gone missing like teeth.
The sidewalks are watching me think about you,
all sparkled with broken glass.
I'm back with scars to show.
Back with the streets I know.
They never take me anywhere but here.
Those stains in the carpet, this drink in my hand,
these strangers whose faces I know.
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say " I wanted it this way"
and wait for the year to drown.
Spring forward, fall back down.
I'm trying not to wonder where you are.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest,
the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires,
new words for old desires,
and every birthday card I threw away.
I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.
Those are the lyrics to a song called "Left and Leaving" by the Weakerthans. I love that song so much.
It's stormy and gross outside, and yet, there's a bird singing outside my window.
Right now, I'm not even really sure what to say. My emotions, my thoughts, are all being expressed through music, and I don't know how to translate that for other people to understand. I know that all of the songs I'm listening to are sad, slow, emotional. The words aren't neccessarily like that, but the music is.
It's almost like Arlin's Bob and Joe. Only mine aren't quite like his. At least I don't think so. I don't have names like he does. But I know whats happening. They agree on the problem, but not on the solution. I keep denying the truth. Well, to some people anyway. But there's one person who knows when I'm not telling the truth. She doesn't always say that she knows, she just waits for me to come to her. She knows I will when I'm ready to talk. Right now though, I don't know what I need to do. I know what I want to happen, and I know it never will. I guess I just need to come to terms with that. I just don't know how.
As a parting gift, lyrics from another perfectly descriptive song.
Jewel-You were meant for me
I hear the clock, it's 6am
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you
I break the yolks and make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place, wipe
The spots off of the mirror
Don't leave my keys in the door, I
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk so I, I
Picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
Cause it was happy or I was sad and
It made me miss you oh so bad cause
Dreams last so long
Even after your gone
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken every day
I brush my teeth I put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up, and then I turn the sheets down and then I
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pj's and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead I
I try and tell myself it'll all be alright
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight cause
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you, yeah
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Posted at 05:54 pm by Kate
Permalink
Friday, July 16, 2004
Ok, this doesn't have a title yet. It's short, and crappy, but I wrote it in the wee hours of the morning.
******************************************************************************
The tree under which we sat shone silver in the moonlight. The sky was clear, the wind was soft. It was perfect. My lovers arms were wrapped around me, keeping me warm. His head rested on my shoulder, his breath I could feel on my ear.
"If I could freeze this moment," he whispered, so the spell would not be broken, "I would capture it in a moonbeam, and return to it every night."
"Why must you leave?" I asked.
"Our country needs me love. But don't worry about that now. We still have this night. Forget about the future until it arrives."
This was the way he thought. Never spoil the moment. Never worry about the consequences.
I looked up at the stars and saw Venus shining brightly.
"She shines for us," he said softly, kissing my neck. "She will shine every night for us. See her and remember." His arms tightened around me for a moment, and then he was gone.
I awoke in the morning in my own bed. It felt cold without him. I longed for him to come to me, but I knew I wouldn't see him for a long time. I wept for him. At night, I longed for the warmth of his body next to mine.
The days passed in a blur. I had the same routine every day, and I carried it out without thinking.
Days turned into weeks, months, years. I got letters now and then, telling me that he was okay. They were always written in his dreamy way. At the end of each letter was written "Even the bullets passing over like shooting stars cannot dull my Venus. She shines still for us." And every night I would look out at Venus, and smile, and remember him.
On the day I recieved his last letter, I looked out to the stars. Venus was not shining.
The tree under which I sit shines silver in the moonlight. In one hand I hold a letter, in the other, a chain with two small metal tags.
I feel his arms wrap around me, his hot breath in my ear.
"If I could freeze this moment, I would capture it in Venus, and return to her every night."
******************************************************************************
Well, there's my lousy attempt at a love story. Gotta try everything once, right?
Posted at 11:16 pm by Kate
Permalink
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
First day back in 6 months...
Wow. I really haven't been here in a long time. For anyone who may be wondering, right now, I am in Landis at the farm. Well, technically, I'm at the house in Landis. But I was at the farm this evening. I got to feed the orphaned calf. She's so adorable, I just need to think of a name for her. She's a month old, and she's tiny, a little black white faced thing thats more adorable than you could imagine. If I had a digiatl camera, I'd take a picture and post it up here.
I then proceeded to help my brother herd 5 cows into the feeding area for their supper. I got to play with the cats for a bit, then went out to the peas, because they're a special breed, and they're flowering purple instead of the standard white.
Now I'm back at the house. Mom is making her and Dad's bed, and Dad is watching t.v. Nala is in the backyard, running around the vast amount of space that she has, Dan is back in the city for a couple of days. I got to see my grandparents. I missed them.
Driving out here, I realized how much I truly hate the city. Don't get me wrong, it's not that it's a huge city, or that it sucks or anything, but I like to be able to see really REALLY far...
It's almost like I can see the wind. She's dancing and running. She laughs when she sees my hair whipping around my face.
Well, it's getting late, and I'm getting tired, and I know I have to get up early to go do chores. I'll probably post again tomorrow night, with more events from the farm.
Dans toutes mes rèves, cela est la meilleur.
Posted at 10:43 pm by Kate
Permalink
Monday, July 12, 2004
Wow. It's been quite a while, hasn't it?
Ok, so, here's whats new: the weather in Saskatchewan has gone crazy. It's like the weather machine is broken. We've had strange bouts of rain/hail/sun/wind/rain for the past couple days. You never know whats going to happen next.
I bought The Sims Mega deluxe the other day for 20$. Cheap. But good. I like it.
Guys suck. I don't care any more, I don't care. They can all go to the ninth purgatory for all I care.
Lime slurpee is good. I've been drinking it every day. Yum.
I haven't been to the cove in a couple days, and I want to go there soon, just to see my boys.
The chainmaille gathering is coming up soon, and I'm getting excited about it.
Other than that, I don't know if there's anything I have to say.
Mes Rèves me donne une sense d'horreur. Il n'y a rien qui peut me sauver de me rèves.
Posted at 04:50 pm by Kate
Permalink
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Things you'll never understand
Mes Esperances sont perdue
Posted at 01:27 am by Kate
Permalink
Thursday, July 08, 2004
So, it's thursday in the a.m...today was...well, to be honest, crap. I hate mud, and rain, and biking through the mud in the rain, and I am looking forward to sleeping in. Yay for 1 day off.
I feel really sad and alone right now, and I hate feeling this way, but I can't change it right now.
French will be a normal part of this blog in some way or another, despite the fact that I have a seperate blog that is all french. Ok, short update, going to sleep now.
Toutque j'ai dans mes pensées est comment il serait de te donner une bec
Posted at 12:05 am by Kate
Permalink
Monday, July 05, 2004
*hugs*
I know you guys are going through a tough time right now. I only met her once. And yet, looking at the sites dedicated to her, I wanted to cry. I couldn't even watch the newscasts. And I'm thinking, if this is how I feel, how sad you guys must be.
I know how hard it is to listen to words of comfort. I know that you've probably had a whole bunch of people tell you that they'll be there if you need them. And in a sense, I am throwing my lot in with there's.
However, for me, it goes like this: Anytime you need to talk to someone, call me. I don't care what time it is, I don't care if you wake me up. If you need to talk, and there's nobody around to listen, I will be. If you need a hug, I'll be there. If you need to just sit, I'll be there. If you need to cry, I'll be there. Never hesitate to call me.
This goes for ALL of my friends. I'd rather be woken up to your voices in the middle of the night, just needing to talk, then to my moms in the morning, giving me bad news.
Une Prière Simple, pour les vies perdue dans l'accident...
Posted at 12:35 pm by Kate
Permalink
Saturday, July 03, 2004
ok. Maintenant, c'est le temp pour toutes mes emotions. En plus, j'ecrit en francais simplement parce que beaucoup de mes amis ne comprend pas. Alors, je peut dire TOUT ici, sans censurer n'importe quoi. Je m'excuse, ma grammaire n'est pas bon maintenant.
L'essence de cette afficher est dans cela: de toutes les gars que moi j'aime, ils toutes aime le meme fille. Et toujours c'est parce qu'elle est belle/"hot". Elle a toutes les gars, elle a une choix. Moi, je suis seul. Je ne veut pas te confuser, elle est une de mes meilleurs amies, mais je suis facher parce qu'elle ne comprend pas le concept d'etre solitaire. Elle a tout les amies possible, elle est tres populaire, et moi, je suis toujours en cache sous son ombre.
Posted at 05:00 pm by Kate
Permalink
Friday, July 02, 2004
Eyes open.
I am surrounded. Eerie images pass before my eyes, in my head, they haunt me. Swirling colours, screams and cries. A mass of confusion, with me in the centre.
I cower, I hide. I try to escape. My eyes will not close. My ears will always hear. My mind will always wonder.
Eyes close.
I'm in a dream. Nothing seems real, nothing ever does. You are here, holding me, keeping me safe. Warmth, and a song. I am loved.
Eyes open.
I am alone. You are nowhere near, I am lost.
Always lost.
Always without.
I live through you, you look through me.
Now, who is more blind?
Posted at 11:00 pm by Kate
Permalink
went to diefenbaker. saw fireworks. saw illyanth. got into a van that was too full. went to jess's. got her car. got mcdonalds. went to kiwi's. came home. called birdie. burned a cd. home to sleep. better descriptions tomorrow, when not so tired. happy canada day.
Posted at 02:36 am by Kate
Permalink
|
|
|
|
|
I usually smile...honestly
My name is Kate
Friends call me Kat
Or, when my parents are angry at me, Katrina
I am 18, and I live in Saskatoon
Good luck finding that, unless your a Canuck.
I'm Feeling...
|
